Close Encounters

When I was in University, I went to America one summer with a group of friends, to work and experience a new culture. Most of us traveled there together and we picked up a couple of strays along the way. There were around ten of us in a five bedroom house for three months. Because we were all working long hours, to pay for our trip and subsidise our big nights out, we were rarely all home at the same time. There were a few personality clashes, acerbic notes on the fridges (The “could whoever took my blue cheese PLEASE return it as it was very expensive” type of thing). But all in all, it was peaceful. And until recently, that was my only experience of group living and the dynamics therein.

For the last couple of years I’ve really enjoyed the luxury of living on my own. I’ve had lots of space, time to myself, a very busy working life and a pretty active social-life. So I rarely spend more than a couple of hours at a time with anyone, except perhaps on a camping trip. And that’s something I only do with very close friends.

And now my life has changed very radically. I’m living with around 25 other volunteers who come from a variety of backgrounds and countries. I never met any of them before I came here. We all work in the school in a variety of capacities. Twelve of us live in a volunteer house which is a long living room with a table down the centre, and bedrooms on each side. The others live in a building opposite in shared or single rooms. Essentially we all live within a stone’s throw of each other.

During the week, we all work at the school in our respective positions. We often pass each other during the day. Lunch is in the main dining area and many of us eat together. After school, sometimes we play sports like volleyball or soccer. Some nights we go to the local bar at the edge of the school. Other times we go out for dinner. Sometimes people go out with their boyfriends/ girlfriends or maybe spend time alone. But for the greater part, during the week, most of us are around the volunteers living quarters and spending time together. For dinner, we eat together. One person takes a turn at cooking each night, with a little assistance.

On Saturdays, a LOT of shopping is done to feed everyone for the week. This involves a trip into town, usually with around ten people. It’s an event into itself.

On a Friday and/ or Saturday night there is often a night out in town for dinner, to a bar or a nightclub. Not everyone goes but a lot do. And then, on a Sunday afternoons there’s often an excursion to a local national park, a lodge (for swimming) or something similar.

If it wasn’t obvious from the above description, take my word for it, these are fairly intense living conditions. You aren’t with everyone for every minute of the day – but usually you’re with someone. And in a situation like this, the people you live with are random strangers from all walks of life who you might never otherwise encounter. Some, you wouldn’t choose to spend time with, if you could choose. Others you would. Some have lots of baggage, others have hand luggage. Others are running from something.

I think it’s fair to say that to make the decision to come to a third world country and commit to it from three to twelve months takes a considerable amount of courage. So there are a lot of strong personalities competing for space. Everyone has a story, a past and many have big personalities. But everyone is there and has to learn to live together.

The first couple of days, I felt like I was on Big Brother without the cameras or the big prize at the end. I wonder how quickly I’d have been evicted!! : ) There is a fairly high turnover; constant new arrivals and regular departures - new personalities are coming into the mix all the time. And like Big Brother, not everyone gets on. And that’s to be expected – there are 25 of us ranging from 20 to 65.

So little groups form, very quickly as it transpires. Like-minded people seek each other out. Some get left out while they try to work out where they fit in. Bitching happens, gossip is fairly common. Tensions are sometimes running high and other times all is at peace. But mostly it sorts itself out as people work out how to cope with it.

New people come into the fold and try to find their place. Older members often sit back and see how it plays out. And sometimes, like a pack of animals, there’s a power struggle. One of my friends remarked how similar it sounds to the army, with hierarchies and personalities at play.

Sometimes it’s exhausting, constantly being around people, having to make an effort, dealing with so many personalities. And a fair amount of energy is consumed on learning how to switch off, accepting you can’t get on with everyone and at the same time, learning how to live in harmony. There’s a very small boundary between work and life. There’s certainly no spatial boundary, as we’re living on the school campus.

But one thing I really enjoy about this experience is the chance to meet new people constantly. So often in our lives, we spend time with the same people day in, day out. We might not expand our group of friends for years or meet an interesting new person for months at a time unless we move in a new circle or make a specific effort to meet new people. In a place like this, one day a person can arrive who is an absolute gem – someone you might never otherwise get to meet. You meet a person who makes you laugh, or who can tap into a side of your personality that few can. It’s so random and unexpected. And suddenly you have a new friend!

And then there are the children at the school, who tug on your sleeve, gaze and you and smile or pass you notes telling you they love you because you did something small for them. It’s really quite life-changing.

After a year or so of this, the novelty of new friends and these beautiful children may have worn off. But for the time being, these encounters make the harder parts worthwhile!