Confession

I have a confession to make. I've kind of been sort of using God's name in vain... or rather, in a sort of manipulative way.

I find that Tanzanians can be VERY insistent when they want to know or get something. Not being the best at saying no in an awkward situation, I find this difficult. Let's face it, in this world of haves and have nots, and being a very clear "have" (if only because of my race), it's not easy to reply with an outright No (okay, I'm a coward, I know).

But I recently discovered a reply that seems to get me out of any situation where I don't want ot say No but I DEFINITELY don't want to say yes and commit to something. I say "Mungu akipenda" which means "If God wishes".

You see, most people in Tanzanian have the most genuinely beautiful trust in God. I know that probably seems like a complete farce to any doubting Thomas and especially in light of the fact that the Africans I'm speaking of are so poor, they seem to be utterly foresaken by God. But I have personally witnessed the genuine sense of peace that they get from God. On Sunday, it's a family day, spent in church and with the family. They dress up in the most elegant way, no matter how poor they are. In fact, unlike the Western world which discussing religion with a friend let alone a strange is simply not done, it's just a fact of life here. God exists and there's nothing to discuss. I think it's nice. And if I didn't believe in God myself, I think I would envy their blind faith.

And yet, I must confess to manipulating this knowledge ever so slightly for my own purposes.
So, for example, the other day, someone asked me whether I think I will spend the rest of my life in Africa, and clearly I won't. I really did try to explain that my home is in Ireland, but they just wouldn't listen. I was told that I am old, I have big hips (neither of these are insults, simply facts) and I should be getting married and producing offsprings pronto since time is clearly not on my side. Again, I tried to explain that in my world, I'm pretty average and not in any hurry to do any of the above. I have plenty of time. All in vain. In the end, I looked resigned, a little sheepish but still accepting and said "Mungu akipenda".

End of discussion! I was greeted with an equally accepting nod and no more was said on the matter.

Somehow, and though I know it's not very nice to abuse such a lovely expression of utter acceptance to get myself out of one of those endless conversations, it was soooo effective and utterly conclusive! But in my defence, when it comes down to it, I do believe that if something is meant to happen it will, and if it's not, it won't. So why not!

Yeah, okay, it was the easy way out of a discussion that I have had many, many times in the last year and will never win - I'll only use it as a last resort in the future! Ahem...